I have been thinking a lot lately about how much I hat feeling alone. I have never enjoyed being alone. Being from a family as big as mine I never had much alone time. There was never much time I spent to my own thoughts and my own ideas. There was always someone around, and someone to be with. I did not even get my own room till I was 16. For a few years me and some of my younger siblings slept in the same bed.
I have been thinking a lot over the last few weeks, about how when I am a stay at home mom, how I will deal with the hours of loneliness my own inefficiencies. Sometimes, when I am alone my mind goes to places that I do not wish it too. I think sometimes that I am a awful person, that I can do absolutely nothing right. I know that these thoughts are not even true. And I know exactly who those thoughts came from.
I have been thinking a lot these last few days about how to battle being alone and feelings of loneliness. I always tried to keep those feelings at bay with always having noise in the back ground. Whether it music or something on TV. I need to work on getting over those feelings of loneliness. What I have been working on is spending a little bit of time everyday with no distractions. I have already seen some differences in myself. I have also been spending more time in the scriptures and thinking about who I am and my purpose here.
I have a long way to go, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I realized what I was afraid of everything seemed to make a lot more sense. Everything came into place. I am no longer afraid of being alone or of what I did in the past. All that is the past. And what is important is the future. We must look forward, not back. I am no longer afraid. I will get better.
