Everyone has demons!

Since the passing of Robin Williams I have been thinking a lot of different forms of depression and how extraverts feel. I am a extreme extrovert. I classify myself as more than a social butterfly. I crave being around people. Sometimes I think that it is a addiction. When I am around people I feed. I am social and as more people I know and care about, or new people that I have just met are there I get more and more excited. I like being the centre of attention, It makes me feel loved, appriciated, needed, and wanted. I love making people feel like they matter and that I want them around, that their matters to someone.

When Robin Williams passed it made me think about how I feel when I get finished in a social setting. I am so drained when I get home. I feel like I have given everything to the people that I inereact with. It makes me feel like I have nothing for myself. That I was so busy being a friend to those around me that no one was a friend to me. I lie in my bed before I fall asleep and think: "Did I really make a difference in people's lives?", "Do I really have any friends, or are these just people that have to tolerate me?", "Does the efforts I make to get to know people better and listen truly matter?", "Do I really matter?". And of course being a hormonal girl, after these questions and more go through my head I start crying.

It is hard sometimes being such a out going person who does not have a bubble even if I wanted one.
I got to thinking those of us who are extraverts have more inner problems than we like to admit.I do not like to admit my inner demons and problems to others let alone myseld. But becuase I always like to be around people and help those around me. I know that there are times when I forego alone time becuase I want and crave to be around people. I forget that I need to decompress with what I am going through and experiencing on a day to day basis. It doesn't help though that I am qutie stubborn and like doing things my own way. I blame being the sixth out of eight children. Darn independance.

But in the end even though I do feel alone and afraid, I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know that no matter what emotion I go through that someone will always be there for me to cheer me up. Whether that is a dear friend, family, or My Father in Heaven, and Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. There are times when all of us get depressed and lonely. And some people have no idea who to turn to. They feel lost and confused and that no ones care. They want to run and hide from their problems or from others and some just plain give up.

I do not understand dibilitating depression. Where you feel like there is no point even of living. But I understand the depression of feeling like you are completly and utterly alone. I know because I have been there. I feel like sometimes no one understands what I am going through or who I am. I feel like sometimes I am screaming at people in other ways than verbal that I need help but no one is listening. No one cares. No one hears. No one sees.

But I know that someone is there even though we cannot see Him. This scipture has been on my mind a lot since I started thinking  about this:

Isaiah 54:7-10
7 For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.

8 In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.

9 For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee.

10 For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.

This scripture teaches a very important principle. We may at times feel lost and unloved but there is someone who loves us. And most importantly, His kindness will not depart from us. He will always be there even though we may not see Him. I was reminded of his love and forgiviness this morning
We can all be healed through the help of our Lord and Savior. He is always there for us evenif we think no one understands the depth of our pain and anguish.

Bad things and sad things happeb in this life. It is just part of human life. People give and want to curl up in a ball when bad things happen. I know at times I want to blame God, and say "Why are you doing this to me?" He allows trials to happen in our lives so we can learn and grow. Without trials, trubulations and temptations we would never grow. We would never become better. We would never improve.

We were all shocked by the passing of Robin Williams, who I know I loved in every single movie he ever did. My favorites "What Dreams May Come", "Patch Adams", and of course "Hook."  But he had demons that he thought were unsurmountable. That no one could help him with. So let us make sure that we are trying every day to make this world a little better of a place, and really reach down and help someone who is in a personal gutter. All we must do is open our eyes and our hearts and our spirit will do the rest, "Thoughts and ideas can change the world." (Dead Poets Society). WE can change the world if we help someone every day.

In closing in the words of Robin Williams in "Jack":
"Please  don't owrry so much. Because in the end, none of ud have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summersky when the stars are strung across the velverty night. Andwhen a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day...make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular."