My wish to be a mother

There are days when I feel I am stuck. Not growing and not progressing in any way. There have been times recently where I feel stuck, like I have progressed as much as I can at this time in my life. Because I have not started subbing all the time yet, I have spent a lot of time at home. I have been doing the menial chores that get forgotten from day to day life. I found myself dusting, and trying to get stuff that had collected on the drawers put away. I found myself playing a lot of video games this week. I just feel more and more that I am stuck.

My life long wish is to be a mother. But at this time we seem to be stuck in that too. I just feel at times that my body does not want to cooperate. And at times I feel like I am broken because my body does not want to cooperate in the ways of trying to have a baby. But at the same time I am trying to tell myself that it is all within The Lords timing. I know that I will be able to have children, I just have to have patience and wait on the Lord.

I think this feeling of feeling stuck is a reason why I want to improve my "motherly" skills. For the past two months I have felt the urge bake more, improve my crotchet, and learn how to can. I want to prepare now for the future. Because, as for the canning, I will not have time to learn when I am running after children.

I know it has only been a few months of trying for a baby, but there are time when I still feel like there is a hole in my heart. Like something is missing at this time in my life. But, I know it is still a waiting game. I must be patient. I know that one day I will be a mother, but I must wait. And as Sister Sheri L. Dew said in October 2001, "Motherhood is more than bearing children...it is the essence of who we are as women." Sheri Dew herself has never been married and has never had children. And yet she chose to not mope around and complain about her situation. She chose to improve herself and better herself.

And so I must do the same. I must continue bettering myself. Instead of moping that my life is not the way I want it to be. I must focus on the now and that Heavenly Father is still blessing me and keeping me safe. He is still granting me more blessings than I can even imagine. He is there for me and only wants the best for me. And what I think is best for me is to keep improving and taking steps forward.

I can practice being a mother to all those children around me. I can be kind and mentoring to all the children within my influence. Which right now is more than just my nieces and nephews. My calling in church is that of Primary Chorister. And with this calling I am in contact with tall the children in our church group every Sunday for two hours. And I must ensure that I do not belittle them or make them feel inferior. I must make sure that I build them up and make them feel loved. I must make sure they know that not just that I love them but more importantly that I love them.

So I may not be a mother to my own children, I can be a mother to others. And when the day comes that I will be blessed with the opportunity to be a mother, I will be more ready because I have practiced.