Recently, I have been doing a lot of thinking about who I am and how I process information. I have not spent a lot of time on my own with my own thoughts. The reasons being:
1. Having as many siblings as I do. I never had alone time as a child.
2. I hate being alone.
3. My mind goes so many places at once that I cannot buckle down and think about one thing.
Sometimes there are times when I have no idea what I doing and what I am thinking. I am one of those that thinks before I act. I speak before I think, and also reacting before I think. I do not like when I am out of control of myself. But when things go wrong, there are times when I have no idea why. Because what made me upset is already long gone.
It is really frustrating that I do not know my own mind and there are times in which I could control it. Because once I spiral I usually then go to where it takes me a lot to get out of it again. I stat thinking everything is my fault and that I am a awful and evil person. Sometimes I wonder why I am so self destructive in my thinking.
I know that it is something I need to change. And right now the only person who helps me from spiraling is my wonderful and fantastic husband. He is such a support when I start to spiral. I know it is hard on him and it must not be easy. But he is always there for me.
I know there are things that I can do to control my thought processes when I start spirally and ways to come and realize my thought process. But at this time I do not know what those processes are. But I have access to three really important ones. Prayer, Scripture, Heavenly Father, and my husband (alright it ended up as four).
But I know that with help it is something that I can figure out. I can figure out my own mind and I can figure out how to be alone. (Even though I hate it with a passion.)
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